Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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