At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
