My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We left the knife in your bed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
