My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
