You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
