dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
