i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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