just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
