marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
