so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
