in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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