hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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