I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Randomize
