please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
