At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
