he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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