And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
