We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
