The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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