Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
