That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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