It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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