No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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