if you like me you must not know who I am
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
