there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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