john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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