how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
