Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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