I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.