butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I booty called her while she was in labor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
