Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.