Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
its not stalking. its research.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.