Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.