I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?