New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
