fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
