I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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