I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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