at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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