He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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