I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Less talking, more tequila
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
