oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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