i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
