I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
