It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
