Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
