I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
