fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
