Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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