yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
