He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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