Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
