Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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