I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
