no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
