Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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