I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
