Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
