Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
