Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She's the barista slut.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
