So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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