I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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