So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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