Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, beer. Big fan.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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