69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
