No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
