It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
