we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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