i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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