When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
