god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
