Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
