You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
