Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
