girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
