I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
