I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
